Tuesday was “Scranton Night” at the Democratic convention in Denver. In fact, if you enjoyed a boilermaker, a favorite beverage of our mining ancestors, every time the “Electric(al) City” was mentioned, you would have been passed out before “Scranton’s own” Sen. Hillary Clinton graced the stage.
Did you know Pennsylvania has four U.S. Senators: Sen. Joe Biden, Sen. Hillary Clinton, Sen. Bob Casey and Sen. Arlen Specter? That’s what I’ve discovered during the past few months. With that stable of talent, we should soon have a bridge to nowhere connecting the former Globe Store to Da U.
One of the opening acts was Governor Ed Rendell, our own William J. Lepetomane. The back of his suit was a little bulky. He must have been keeping that big cardboard checkbook he uses when visiting Northeastern Pennsylvania in his rear pocket.
Awkwardly, Gov. Rendell was given the task of discussing energy policy, a task that provides delicious irony for anyone who dwells here. Our governor’s excellent high speed adventures were chronicled in an article in the Philadelphia Daily News several years ago. His Cadillac limousine was caught on radar guns NINE TIMES by state troopers going over 100 MILES PER HOUR. I know how much you readers enjoy ALL CAPS.
When quizzed by the press, our governor said, “Did I know we were going over the speed limit? Sure.” No wonder why this governor is hailed as an excellent cable news guest. He’s hilarious!
So, here’s this known energy waster tapping BIG OIL on the nose with a rolled up copy of his energy speech. Ha, ha, governor, don’t you know driving 55 in a Prius can save the planet?
Pennsylvania also sports one of the highest gas taxes in the nation. By itself, it’s 32.2 cents. When combines with federal and local, it zooms up to 50.7 cents. Oh, the hilarity!
So, while the guv was trashing the Bush/Cheney/McCain Triangle of Evil, he failed to mention the above facts. He also said Sen. Obama and “son of Scranton” Joe Biden have a plan to replace every single drop of oil with alternative products in 10 years. I can’t wait until things are made out of bamboo and mud. I also can’t wait until Gov. Rendell dresses up in a pin striped, purple suit with a feathery hat and signs away the Pennsylvania Turnpike to Spain with a 70 year contract!
Next, it was Scranton’s own Sen. Bob Casey Jr. You may recall there was a little history between Gov. Rendell and Sen. Casey’s dad in 1992.
Sen. Casey’s speech once again took the GOP out to the woodshed for a sound thumping. For the past eight years, Sen. Casey said Pennsylvania has been “victimized” by the Bush/Cheney economic billy club. Well, what does this say about FIVE YEARS of Ed Rendell? Why wasn’t he at the PA/Maryland border trying to fend off this vicious assault by the Beltway Bullies? If things have stunk for eight years, have they stunk for the past five? Bueller?
So, maybe Sen. Casey was getting in a little shot for his dad. I hope so. Maybe when Gov. Ed was speeding around the state in his limo, he accidentally drove the economy off the road and into that storied ditch. Gosh, I hope not.
Sen. Casey also tipped his hat to Sen. Biden. “No one knows us better than Joe,” Casey opined.
He must have seen “All in the Family” or “The Office” to get the scoop, because Joe Biden left Scranton at the age of 10.
Sen. Casey also got in some zingers about “four more months” of GOP presidential leadership. He said Sen. McCain votes with the president so often that he’s not a maverick, but a sidekick. I recommend Sen. Casey spend a few hours with Scranton’s own Pete Barbuti, who holds the record for appearing the most times on the “Tonight Show” with Johnny Carson. He might even be able to teach him how to play the accordion!
Corbett
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