Now that the federal government has more money than Italian royalty, it’s time to create a list of bailouts we’d like to see. Heck, between Citi and Boscov’s, it seems everyone’s fair game. Feel free to email me at Suehenry@wilknewsradio.com with your enlightened ideas. Remember: Nothing’s off limits.
Land lines: Almost as endangered as the rotary phone itself. You? Standing still? While talking? Please. Yet, people cling.
Baths: Mention baths and people think you are unbalanced and lazy. If you can’t take a shower, you might as well continue to swim in your filth. However, they remind me of a good Saturday night. Let’s save ‘em.
Analog TV: Why switch? Who is the government to decide our viewing clarity? (Hat tip: Dave the emailer)
“Pushing Up Daisies” (ABC): Heard they were going to cancel it. Even though I’ve never seen it, this doesn’t seem fair. Could probably be saved for a few million, a bargain at this point.
Weezer: I used to love Weezer. They had a melodic angst and nerdy sensibilities. Has anyone heard their “Red” CD? If you have, you know it may be too late to bail them out, but shouldn’t we try? What if we can stop their career from going off a cliff for a few bucks?
The salad bar: Used to be a healthy gathering place. Then, it became known as the place where people go to sneeze and lettuce goes to give you “boo boo tummy.” Won’t someone do something?
Mall fountain: Useless, a nuisance when teenagers are around and probably tough to keep clean. And yet, without it, there’s nowhere to throw lint-covered pennies.
Hickory Farms store: They had so many samples you could skip buying groceries. It’s probably too late, but how about a Christmas miracle? Santa?
Books: Heard the “e book” will make those things with the pages obsolete. Most teenagers have given up on books all together, unless they have magic teenagers or elderly yet strangely attractive vampires in them.
Dixie Cups/dispenser: Gone too soon.
Got more, tough guy? Send them.
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