Oh hi! I bet you thought I quit this blog, but Nancy tells me it’s like the Hotel California. Plus, in the WILK pecking order, her office is very nice and mine is near the men’s room. Get the drift? Good, then let’s begin.
I have a lot of things to write about, because I have a file folder full of fodder. That’s part of my temporary vow to organize.
Speaking of temporary vows, how about our friends Jon and Kate? Hay-o! Hat tip: Ed McMahon. The good thing about their plight is each one gets four kids. Think about it: If I split with my husband, we’d have to argue over who takes the extra one. That’s probably why we just celebrated 20 years of marriage. I’m sure you read about it in the tabloids, also known as Rude Rube’s column. That’s about as close to the “Star” magazine as you can get in Northeastern Pennsylvania. Thanks Rube!
Now, as for Jon and Kate, how do they even have a television show? I was talking to a guy the other day who was the youngest of nine kids from Wilkes-Barre Township. All he ever got was an education on how to avoid the strap in his family by watching the antics of his older siblings.
Why in the world would anyone give these uppity fertile Myrtles a TV show when Northeastern Pennsylvania is where it’s at? Do you doubt me? Recently, we’ve had a plethora of people who are fascinating in their own little way and I don’t believe any of their stories involve a minivan full of toddlers. Boring! These news stories recently appeared in our esteemed local newspapers. Really. They will make you scratch your noggin and wonder how Jon and Kate get any attention at all.
Teacher jailed for waving a gun at kids: If you want to find this story on The Times Leader website, simply type “clucking” into the paper’s search engine. A Tunkhannock High teacher was put in the pen recently for waving a silver gun around and threatening to shoot neighborhood kids. That’s not very nurturing, but read on. After a low-fi police foot chase, the 41-year old was observed near his vehicle, clucking like a chicken. Um, how can two bratty suburban parents compete? Answer: They can’t. NEPA 1, J&K, 0.
Cops: Jail Guard Stole Underwear: The clue to finding this one fast is the last word in the headline. We once again bow and curtsey to the editorial department of the TL. A Shickshinny man went to work through a different set of doors last week at his place of employment. The man found himself on the other side of prison bars after a wild romp in Hunlock Township. Police say the man stole underwear from the glove compartment of a vehicle, along with sunglasses. Um, a glove compartment is for mittens and such, not gotchies. But, I digress. Where this story gets even better is the interesting explanation by the prison guard on what went down.
“I was lost in the woods just trying to get gas,” the man said to a TL reporter. “This is all taken out of context. It was a big mistake.”
Jon? Kate? Bueller? I knew you would agree. NEPA scores! Again! Jon and Kate are simply parents of multiple kids! Score: 2-Zip.
Police: Artist’s emailed photo violated woman: When I think artists, I think Goya. I think Munch. I think Picasso and Cezanne. Heh. Those dudes are totally old school, if you know what I’m saying. They used canvas. Today’s artists use the human body as their canvas, man. They tattoo and pierce. I am no fan of their work, needless to say.
Hence the very liberal use of the word “artist” in this headline. It’s enough to make Michelangelo weep in God’s arms. Our friends at the TL again paint this gruesome picture. In their account, the “artist” is accused of piercing a woman in a very provocative place, then emailing his “masterpiece” to a friend, who shared with others.
You know, hairdressers are highly regulated. And then, there’s the tattoo trade. I can’t help but wonder if the instrument was then used to pierce on ear. It’s OK. Someone probably used rubbing alcohol or spit to clean the instruments involved, right? What makes this story even more interesting than trying to dress eight little ones in pajamas with feeties is the woeful explanation the “artist” offered when asked by the paper. Let me help here: “No comment” is actually a great alternate to what happened here.
“I’m not a celebrity, I’m an everyday (expletive),” he said to the TL. “I’m going to go to court, I’m gonna do whatever I have to do to get this over with.” I remember Van Gogh said something similar after the “incident” involving his mutilated ear. Fame is a harsh mistress. Jon and Kate remain scoreless after three innings.
Corbett
E-Mail
Print
